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If her relationship to the boy's biological father ends as smoothly as possible to allow the best foundation for his future (hopefully) sincere financial and physical involvement in his son's life, and they break up at a time when I have gotten settled reasonably into my future solitary living situation, and say everything has truly aligned in the best manner conceivable and I have even finally procured a long-needed raise from my job...and we agree that while a relationship attempt has always been in our stars, that we will wait to embark on this until the dust of a breakup and alteration of living arrangements has been made...I must ask myself:
Even in the best arranged setting possible, am I ready to take on the role of a father? Sure, I am not his biological father. But I have always favored the idea of adoption and actually find this situation preferable. For all vital and influential purposes, the father of a child is the one who has been most (hopefully positively) involved in his upbringing since birth. More specifically, the role of parents are most directly projected onto the (again, ideally) loving couple which raises a child (or loving single parent, but I am referring to a couple raising a child dynamic, regardless of that couple's sexuality). Sometimes the role of father is not even given to a man. I see it more as this: a child needs certain grounding forces in his life, and it is most convenient and conducive to healthy growth when these are found in the persons of those who live with and raise him daily. It is wonderful if these forces can be found entirely in this couple, as it makes them more reliable and effective parents. It is also emotionally and psychologically reassuring and comforting when those people are also a loving couple. The needed forces are: an emotional center, a voice of reason, and a presentation of traits to which the child can look up to, and derive inspiration from.
Specifically now, to me, the role of a father in the way that I would hope to be, means being a healthy balance of all of the above - but more than anything, focusing on making up for whatever is slightly lacking in those grounding forces in the other parent. In this case I have it easy, as the boy's mother is, while wise and capable of objective thinking and circumstantial logic, very much the emotionally comforting, feeling-oriented one. This makes it easier for me to lean towards the qualities more socially attributed to the role of the father, when a male exists in the couple in order to allow the ease of a long existing stereotype of what is philosophically expected of a man to present to the role of fatherhood. Please understand then that the focus of this is not the over-all modern family dynamics, but that I am allowed the ease of for once in my life, analyzing something from a conventional stand-point.
[Insert endless spewed additional thoughts and details via Plurk.]
So, quite simply, am I ready to be a father?
Am I ready to place the needs, safety, well being and growth of this baby boy above my own?
Yes. As ready as I'll ever be, in spite of feeling financially undeserving.
Of course, for now, I am merely the philosophical Uncle he rarely sees (which is not a big deal since he is only 8months old.)
The most I can do is be present, consistent, and reliable. The rest is more or less, predetermined by fate, and dependent on the actions and life choices of his mother.
Even in the best arranged setting possible, am I ready to take on the role of a father? Sure, I am not his biological father. But I have always favored the idea of adoption and actually find this situation preferable. For all vital and influential purposes, the father of a child is the one who has been most (hopefully positively) involved in his upbringing since birth. More specifically, the role of parents are most directly projected onto the (again, ideally) loving couple which raises a child (or loving single parent, but I am referring to a couple raising a child dynamic, regardless of that couple's sexuality). Sometimes the role of father is not even given to a man. I see it more as this: a child needs certain grounding forces in his life, and it is most convenient and conducive to healthy growth when these are found in the persons of those who live with and raise him daily. It is wonderful if these forces can be found entirely in this couple, as it makes them more reliable and effective parents. It is also emotionally and psychologically reassuring and comforting when those people are also a loving couple. The needed forces are: an emotional center, a voice of reason, and a presentation of traits to which the child can look up to, and derive inspiration from.
Specifically now, to me, the role of a father in the way that I would hope to be, means being a healthy balance of all of the above - but more than anything, focusing on making up for whatever is slightly lacking in those grounding forces in the other parent. In this case I have it easy, as the boy's mother is, while wise and capable of objective thinking and circumstantial logic, very much the emotionally comforting, feeling-oriented one. This makes it easier for me to lean towards the qualities more socially attributed to the role of the father, when a male exists in the couple in order to allow the ease of a long existing stereotype of what is philosophically expected of a man to present to the role of fatherhood. Please understand then that the focus of this is not the over-all modern family dynamics, but that I am allowed the ease of for once in my life, analyzing something from a conventional stand-point.
[Insert endless spewed additional thoughts and details via Plurk.]
So, quite simply, am I ready to be a father?
Am I ready to place the needs, safety, well being and growth of this baby boy above my own?
Yes. As ready as I'll ever be, in spite of feeling financially undeserving.
Of course, for now, I am merely the philosophical Uncle he rarely sees (which is not a big deal since he is only 8months old.)
The most I can do is be present, consistent, and reliable. The rest is more or less, predetermined by fate, and dependent on the actions and life choices of his mother.
